What Sun Tzu Told Me to Tell You About How to Win
by Kalika Yap
There’s a little book on my shelf I keep coming back to, and it’s called The Art of War, written in ancient China about 2,500 years ago and credited to a general named Sun Tzu. Thirteen short chapters.
It has outlived every empire that ever picked it up, for one reason. People kept finding it useful.
And here’s the part almost nobody expects. The book is mostly about how not to fight.
“Supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.”
Read it one more time. Slowly.
The word to sit with is without.
Winning without the fight ever happening.
I learned what that means the hard way, in the year 2000.
The $40,000 I Never Collected
Citrus Studios was a year old. The client was a 90s denim brand everyone recognized.
I sent a proposal. He never signed it. And I started the work anyway.
Their size is what made me relax. You don’t imagine having to chase a company that big. Asking a brand like that to sign first felt like something a nervous vendor would do, and I didn’t want to be a nervous vendor.
So we built it. Months of real work.
They put the site live. They used it. They never paid the invoice.
Forty thousand dollars. For a one-year-old company, that wasn’t a line item. It was the year.
I was furious. I felt taken.
So I did the thing I now make my coaching clients do. I ran the math instead of the emotion.
A retainer. Months, probably longer. My attention off the business the whole time. And no signature, so I’d be arguing about what we agreed to before I ever got to the money.
I chose not to file.
That’s still one of the hardest calls I’ve made, because taking the loss felt like agreeing with them.
What I Did the Week After
The part that changed my business had nothing to do with that client.
I pulled out every contract I had and rewrote all of them.
A signature before anything starts. No matter how big the logo is.
Deposit up front.
Payment tied to milestones, so the exposure is never the whole project.
The site doesn’t go live until the final invoice clears. If I’d had that one sentence in 2000, none of this happens.
It took two weeks and it was tedious. It’s the least exciting work in the business. It’s also the best paid.
I’ve never lost forty thousand dollars that way again. Not once, in 25 years.
That $40,000 was tuition. I paid it one time, and it bought me a quarter century.
And I never won that fight. I never needed to. Citrus is 27 years in. That brand had its decade.
Sometimes you don’t have to beat anybody. You just have to still be here.
The Trap I See With Almost Every Client
The fight you’re having is almost never the fight you’re in.
You’re chasing the invoice. The real thing is you started on an unsigned proposal.
You’re frustrated with your team member. The real thing is nobody wrote down what their job is.
You’re arguing about scope. The real thing is your proposal said “and related updates.”
The visible fight is loud. The real one makes no noise, and it sits upstream of everything.
Win It On Paper First
“The victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won.”
You win it first. Then you engage.
For me that was literal. The paper was a contract.
Every hard conversation I’ve had since 2000 was settled before it started, because the answer was written down while everyone still liked each other.
If you can’t picture the win before you start, you’re not ready to start.
Say it to yourself this week. Win it on paper first.
Your Step-by-Step Guide: Pick Your Fights This Week
1. Name the fight out loud
One sentence. Then write what it’s actually about underneath.
A fight you can’t name in one sentence is a fight you can’t win on purpose.
2. Do the calculation before the courage
What does winning get you? What does it cost in hours, dollars, and attention pulled off the business?
Real numbers. Hours and dollars.
If the win costs more than the loss, it isn’t a win.
3. Check your temperature before you decide
Anger, pride, and impatience can all be used against you.
Am I doing this because it’s right, or because I’m mad?
Being right is not the same as it being worth it.
4. Go upstream and fix the paper
What would make this fight impossible next time? A signature. A deposit. One sentence in an agreement.
Then go write it. Not for this client. For the next twenty.
5. Take one action in the next 48 hours
Send the email. Make the call. Add the deposit line to your template.
Do it before Friday.
Want a Second Pair of Eyes on the Fight You’re In?
Sometimes you’re too close to see the whole board, and one outside voice saves you a year. That’s most of what I do with my coaching clients.
No pitch. Just a real conversation.
You’re allowed to walk away from a fight and still take the lesson with you. You’re doing just great.
DOWNLOADABLE WORKSHEET
Pick Your Fights
This worksheet will help you identify the real conflict behind the problem, calculate whether the fight is worth the cost, and fix the agreement, process, or boundary that could prevent it from happening again.
