I recently listened to a talk by Tara Brach, and one of the most powerful takeaways was the acronym WAIT, which stands for Why Am I Talking?
This simple tool has transformed how I approach communication, particularly as an entrepreneur.
Whether it’s pausing before sending an email or text that could come across too harsh or reconsidering my words during a difficult conversation, WAIT helps me take a step back and realign my intentions – to communicate kindly.
It’s a way to ensure that my communication creates connection rather than creating distance.
Tara also spoke about how easily we fall back into old, well-grooved patterns of communication. After practicing mindfulness or spending time in silence, we might feel calm and present. But as soon as we return to the busyness of life, our old habits—like exaggeration, defensiveness, or avoidance—tend to resurface quickly.
Tara likened this to those trick birthday candles that won’t blow out. No matter how hard we try to change, these patterns keep reigniting.
The key is to catch ourselves in those moments and use tools like WAIT to pause and choose a different, more mindful response.
A particularly fascinating part of Tara’s talk was about the little lies we tell – false speech.
This includes all the subtle ways we distort the truth—whether it’s exaggerating our successes, omitting important details, or trying to present ourselves in a way that makes us look better. Tara explained that these “little lies” often come from deep-rooted survival mechanisms.
She shared an interesting example from the animal kingdom: the garter snake. Male garter snakes emit feminine pheromones to trick other males into “hugging” them in a mating ball. They use this deception to warm themselves up, and once they’ve had enough, they stop emitting the pheromones and go on their way.
Similarly, humans often use social camouflage—presenting ourselves in a certain way to get approval, to protect ourselves, or to avoid discomfort.
But just like with the snake, this deception may get us what we want in the short term, but it ultimately creates disconnection and distance.
Here’s how you can bring more mindfulness into your communication as an entrepreneur:
A Step-by-Step Guide to Mindful Communication
1. Pause and Breathe: Before responding to an email or speaking in a meeting, take a moment to pause. A single breath can create the space needed to reflect before reacting.
2. Reflect on Your Intention: Tara Brach spoke about how false speech often comes from unconscious patterns—like wanting to protect ourselves or impress others. Ask yourself, “Why am I talking (or writing)?” Are you communicating to connect, to defend, or to avoid discomfort? This reflection can help you communicate more thoughtfully.
3. Listen Fully (Or Re-Read Carefully): Whether in conversation or email, focus fully on what’s being said (or written) rather than planning your response. If you’re writing, re-read your email from the recipient’s perspective before sending.
4. Practice Empathy: Pema Chödrön once said, “We don’t set out to save the world. We set out to wonder how other people are doing and to reflect on how our actions affect other people’s hearts.” Empathy in communication helps foster deeper connections, whether you’re leading a team or negotiating a contract.
5. Speak (or Write) with Intention: Use clear, direct, and kind language. If you feel tempted to exaggerate or withhold information, take a moment to reconsider. Speaking truthfully creates trust and authenticity.
6. Stay Open to Feedback: Mindful communication is a two-way process. Be open to how others respond to your words and make space for honest feedback.
7. Reframe When Necessary: If you realize that your initial response—whether spoken or written—was harsh, defensive, or false, don’t hesitate to reframe it. Taking the time to adjust your words can turn a negative situation into a productive one.
The Power of Recognizing White Lies / False Speech
Tara Brach’s discussion about false speech really made me reflect on how often we engage in subtle forms of deception. These little lies, whether intentional or not, often come from a place of fear or wanting approval. Tara shared that false speech is one of our oldest survival mechanisms, dating back to when deception was necessary for survival, much like how animals camouflage themselves. But in modern communication, these falsehoods create separation and prevent us from forming genuine connections.
The example of the garter snake was a powerful metaphor for how we sometimes deceive in order to get what we want—whether it’s social approval or avoiding an uncomfortable truth.
But while these tactics might work in the short term, they ultimately create distance. Mindful communication allows us to be more honest and present, leading to deeper, more meaningful interactions.
Why It Matters
As entrepreneurs, communication is at the heart of everything we do. Whether we’re leading a team, managing clients, or negotiating partnerships, how we communicate shapes our relationships and our success. By bringing more mindfulness into our interactions, we not only foster trust but also create environments where honesty and clarity thrive. Tools like WAIT can help us break free from patterns of false speech and build stronger connections in both business and life.
Rewriting for Mindful Communication
In my own experience, I’ve found that practicing WAIT has been invaluable when writing emails, particularly in those moments when my initial drafts might lean toward the harsh or negative. Sometimes, we write out of frustration or in a hurry, and our tone can unintentionally cause harm or create miscommunication. By taking the time to pause and rewrite, I’ve been able to create emails that reflect my true intentions—clear, thoughtful, and considerate. This extra moment of reflection prevents harm and helps maintain positive, productive relationships.
If you’d like to explore how mindful communication can enhance your leadership and business, I’d love to connect. You can schedule a discovery call with me here.
Let’s explore how entrepreneur coaching can help you refine your communication and build better relationships.
Wishing you all the very best always,
Kalika
